I Want....

Don’t worry, I’m not going to rant or complain (at least I think I’m not but I can never be too sure of what is going to happen in my head…haha) again.

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Ok, I saw a post made by one of my band seniors (yes, I’m talking about this so if you want to leave, please go ahead) and she said that she hasn’t gotten a lot of ‘how are you’ questions since she moved overseas.

When I was in the band and she was my senior, I can say that I never got the amount of attention that I gave my juniors. The only time when I got it was the first few practice when I learnt how to play scales in under 30minutes. That time, two of my seniors were really proud and started showing me off (cheh wa..haha). I was really happy that time, I made my seniors proud. It’s a really good feeling. They were even talking about letting me join the Independence Day parade which was going to be held in about a month or so. Obviously I didn’t join the parade; I was still too much of a noob to be in the block.

Back to the topic;

After that I tried my best to be noticed but most of the time, it ended up in failure. I joined the band fairly late while my friends (of the same age) joined earlier. Common sense would tell you that they’re most likely closer to the seniors than I will ever be. Plus, they go to the same church so I’m guessing they spend quite a lot of time together too. So how am I to compete with them for attention? I sort of gave up after a few months of trying honestly speaking.

I don’t know why but somehow I felt as though I never lived up to their expectations during practice or the actual performances. Even if I did try my best, somebody else would have shined brighter and I’m casted aside. Still, I admit my limited skills in music and also I lack in many ways when it comes to the instrument and score sheets.

I can never make you feel proud of me again, can I? Ever since the day I learnt the scales, I don’t remember hearing a praise or anything of that sort. Yes, I’m being very DFA mainly because my seniors never paid attention to me T^T. I very sad you know. (haha joking la)

I was jealous of the other sections because they all seemed so close; seniors and juniors getting along well and always playing around, joking with one another. And if we shift our attention to my section, things were very different. There wasn’t a close bond between the members of the section, we were all individuals there. There was no such thing as ‘we are one section therefore we are one’. Sad isn’t it? (haha)

Of course, I was determined to make a difference with this section. Once I got the post of Section Leader and once my 3 little juniors came in, I was determined to make our section into a closely knitted unit. And of course being the usual sakai, siao siao, sampat-ed person I am, it was easy to get them together. Even other members told me that my section, we are always together.

I was really proud of my achievement.

I have this habit, which I’m not sure whether is it bad or not, I tend to give others what I never got. In this case, I never got the attention I wanted so I gave my juniors a lot of attention. Nothing goes unnoticed during practice. I try to be the friendly senior instead of a nasty and mean one stereotypically portrayed on TV. One of my members told my juniors that they were really lucky to be in this section because every other section has their very own senior that scolds a lot whereas ours didn’t. We had crazy, joke-able members and seniors. I rarely scolded them (I will if I was PMS-ing…haha!!), don’t really used really harsh tones on them and more importantly, I was a friend to them, not a senior.

That’s the important part; being a friend. My senior was a senior; I was a senior who was a friend. All formalities were dropped among us. We joked all we wanted, talked about ridiculous things etc. It was really fun going to practice knowing that I have them. I’d play around with them and frankly speaking, I don’t feel tired at all after marching for hours.

It’s hard work being in the band, but I don’t regret joining one bit. Heck, I’m really proud to say that I was a band member. I mean, how many people can say that “I was a band member back in the days”. Not many I can tell you. Haha

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This is really long isn’t it? Guess I ended up ranting/complaining after all. I’m sure that during your course of reading this post, you’ll find that this post (esp from the second part onwards) is really SS.

So what? Life is a learning experience. Learn to deal with the SS-ness that is my blog posts. LOL

Till the next post (most likely tomorrow?)