You

Do you miss updating this? You haven’t touched it since the results were out last week. This is the longest period of time you haven’t updated your blog. Been having writer’s block again? You must hate it a lot, don’t you? Not only can you not write your posts, you also can’t even write a decent one-shot without deleting the whole thing and start over.

You’ve been very busy these past few days. Ever since the results were out, you’ve been constantly reminded with reminders to fill in application forms for scholarships. It really is a hassle when you have 3 assignments sitting there waiting for you to complete them, since you put them aside to study for your mid-terms. Now that you finally have time to tend to the assignments, another task appears and deprives the assignments of your attention. You feel really stressed out about it, don’t you? Yet, you have no one to turn to during times like this.

You are a loner, a loner in a little room, finding companionship in an unanimated object, your laptop. It has been your best friend ever since stepping out of the house. It was there when you needed somebody to talk to. It was there when you needed some cheering up. You poured all your emotions into the Word document and after you’re done, one last look and all is deleted. You feel better, having ranted out all your feelings into the machine.

Do you miss your high school friends? A question which you find it hard to answer. Well, do you? You’re not sure. You have mixed feeling meeting them every now and again. Do you want to meet them or do you have to meet them, for old time’s sake? So? Do you want to or have to? Perhaps a little bit of both.

You need to rest now. All this stress is not good for you. You’ve been such a happy-go-lucky person in the past, what changed? Was it the environment? The people? Or perhaps, you’re just entering another phase in life where you start to feel like this. You shouldn’t wear that smiling mask anymore, it’s not healthy. No one in this world really smiles that much, so you don’t have to either. But you can’t help it, it’s not your personality to show everyone your feelings. You prefer to keep it inside until when you can’t take it anymore, you let everything out to the person you feel most comfortable with. You need to start showing your emotions more rather than just hiding them inside. That’s not healthy either.

When will you change, my dear girl?

Even I don’t know, and I’m you.