Right, so today a friend of mine, yun zhen, told me the details to her ‘disturbing’ dream from Tuesday morning. She did tell me a bit, just the rough idea of what she dreamt of on Tuesday but she didn’t spare me any details. So today, when we were alone in the car, I told her straight
“ok, tell me what did you dream about yesterday morning”
To which she burst laughing and said
“it’s nothing wan la. I just dreamt that we were all playing about then Ru Er suddenly lied down on the floor and you went and hovered over her and kissed her”
And I’m like
“OMG WTF!!!!!”
And she burst laughing…
Ok, initially when she told me the rough idea of what her dream was, I was thinking “ok? O.o so you dreamt about us two being lesbians..mm hmm…” and then when she told me the full story, I was thinking
“oh god…that’s like so impossible and so fanfic-ish and so ‘one of my wildest dreams’ scenario”
Because honestly, I have a little crush on her (the one who I kissed in the dream) and I was like thinking ‘wow, did my feelings got transmitted to my friend and she dreamt about it?’ lols
And I can’t stop replaying what the dream was. I mean, it was so fanfic-ish!! I mean, in a SNSD fanfic of course, I don’t know about the rest. And that dream’s scenario really is, like..gosh I hope I don’t sound like a complete weirdo for saying this..i would be totally ecstatic if it could happen to me in real life.
But of course I won’t. I won’t risk our friendship which I have so carefully built in the past year and a half over some silly infatuation. I was very careful with her, mainly because I don’t want her to think that I’m weird or stuff like that.
In the beginning when she just joined our group in first year, I talked to her more, well considerably more if you compared me to the rest. It’s because I know how it feels like to join a new group and how terrible it would feel like when the original ‘members’ talk among themselves and not include you in the conversation. I know how it feels. If they leave you out after some time, it’ll already be too late to join another group because they would’ve established their own clique and it’ll be a bit impossible to make room for you in their group.
So yea, I talked to her a lot because I didn’t want her to feel left out. I invited her to our meals and introduced her to the rest of the members of our usual hang out group. They all accepted her and she made effort to fit in to our little nonsensical group. It also helped that she’s really outgoing and she’s a talkative person, so she made herself at home with us in no time at all.
She has her own secrets, I have mine. I never pried into her business and she didn’t pry into mine. We respected each other, never asking more than what was given. I’m sure it was also the same with the others. She would tell me all sorts of stories about her high school life while I would listen. I had nothing to tell. For a boring person like me, I’d be glad to listen to whatever you have to say. For a quiet person like me, a loud and talkative person like her would be a perfect companion for me.
At first when I saw her, I thought she was rather cute, to say the least. I met her during the first or was it the second week of class. A friend of mine introduced her to us and we exchanged names etc. I didn’t think much of her then. After the new years about 2weeks later, I met her while I was on my way to class, she was struggling to cycle up a slope while I just went by her quickly. But she almost hit me when her front tyre suddenly turned to the right unsteadily. We avoided the accident, thank goodness. She shouted “sorry!!” while I turned around for a bit and said “oh it’s ok”.
It was when we were at the parking lot when she bumped my bike from behind, I looked back and I saw her smiling apologetically at me saying “hey, I’m really sorry about just now” and I answered “oh it’s ok”. At that time, I still haven’t really processed who she was. It wasn’t till later after we left the parking lot that I remembered who she was. I felt really bad for not remembering her.
Who would’ve known a year later we would be good friends. We learnt a lot about each other. She learnt my eating habits while I learnt about her whining habits. We’ve opened up to each other a lot more compared to half a year ago. I would say the event that helped with this is the fact that we both failed Costing and had to repeat the sub last semester, bringing the two of us closer.
I don’t know when these so-called feelings developed. I’m not even sure if it’s love. All I know is that I obviously care for her more than the rest and I’m very biased towards her. I like having her around and I enjoy her company to the fullest, even if it’s just us two sitting there doing nothing in silence. I like having her around and I think I act very differently when she is around and not around. I’m quieter when she’s not. It’s painfully obvious and I can’t help myself.
I’m hopelessly in love with somebody who will never love me back the same way.
