Hello At Last

The reason why the post is titled as such is because I haven't been here in a very long time (if you would check the time difference between this and the previous post). In my lonesomeness I have returned to my original sanctuary, the place where all my rants are kept and emotions run through the course of time and through the words I have carefully placed.

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I’ve never been so alone before, not even back in secondary after the occasional fights with people in my circle of friends.

I don’t know when it started but I’m sure partially it is my fault I’m like this now because I have the tendency to shut people out from my comfort zone and once they are out, I don’t let them back in. my comfort zone is a place where I feel comfortable with them and those awkward silences don’t exist.

There are many layers and these new found friends are mostly on the outer layers while some has managed to breach into the inner layers of the zone. Yea I know this theory sounds ridiculous but hey, I’m not exactly the most logical person you’ll ever know.

Anyway, so as I said earlier I am alone and I don’t like this kind of alone. This sort of alone isn’t the normal ‘being by yourself’ kind of alone but the ‘there’s nobody there for you to go to’ kind of alone. Am I making any sense?

I’m serious; there is nobody that I can turn to now. The only friend I have left in this house has gone back and she didn’t even bother to knock on my door to say goodbye (I’m a bit hurt by that). The only childhood friend whom I’m quite close left 3months ago and the other childhood friend whom I’m quite close to doesn’t give a damn about how I am doing.

My new friends? Well, they don’t have time for me. The one who usually accompanies me suddenly isn’t in the mood to go out and eat. Another seems to have forgotten all about us, being too busy with her boyfriend. The others have family members like sisters and cousins here with them so they already got their company.

And don’t get me started on my housemates. One is too busy with her boyfriend, another has a sister, while the other three (I call them Ms Sour Face and her two minions) are family so they are pretty much a clique, just the three of them and to be honest, I don’t really like them anyway so I’ll stay clear from them.

So this leaves me here, all alone. Is this what I get for not going with the flow and study in KL? Is this what I get for making a different choice and chose to study here instead of in KL?

Is this how it feels like to be all alone?