Its not that bad..

So with the recent failure, I can say I’m taking it quite well. In fact, I’m thinking that others are taking it worst than me, the fact that I had failed my paper for the first time in a final exam.

When the screen popped up the first thing I did was hit the ‘end’ key on the keyboard since the results are at the bottom of the page and that’s when I saw the letter F staring right back at me. It didn’t shock me as much as I thought it would. Heck, I wasn’t upset at all. My mood was a bit down and I didn’t want to talk about the failure but I wasn’t upset.

Of course it hurts a bit when I see my friends celebrating on FB with posts like ‘thank gooness! All pass’ or ‘yes! Maintained CGPA 3.***’ thanks to that F my CGPA has now dropped from 3.2 to 2.7 and it’s not going to be easy getting that 3 back.

So just to recap, I am not upset. Honestly it may be hard to believe but come on, let’s get real. It’s just an F. you don’t expect me to be dramatic and drop on my knees pounding the floor going ‘NO!!!! I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THIS!!!’ right? haha

So I’ll just do better next time =]

Hello At Last

The reason why the post is titled as such is because I haven't been here in a very long time (if you would check the time difference between this and the previous post). In my lonesomeness I have returned to my original sanctuary, the place where all my rants are kept and emotions run through the course of time and through the words I have carefully placed.

***

I’ve never been so alone before, not even back in secondary after the occasional fights with people in my circle of friends.

I don’t know when it started but I’m sure partially it is my fault I’m like this now because I have the tendency to shut people out from my comfort zone and once they are out, I don’t let them back in. my comfort zone is a place where I feel comfortable with them and those awkward silences don’t exist.

There are many layers and these new found friends are mostly on the outer layers while some has managed to breach into the inner layers of the zone. Yea I know this theory sounds ridiculous but hey, I’m not exactly the most logical person you’ll ever know.

Anyway, so as I said earlier I am alone and I don’t like this kind of alone. This sort of alone isn’t the normal ‘being by yourself’ kind of alone but the ‘there’s nobody there for you to go to’ kind of alone. Am I making any sense?

I’m serious; there is nobody that I can turn to now. The only friend I have left in this house has gone back and she didn’t even bother to knock on my door to say goodbye (I’m a bit hurt by that). The only childhood friend whom I’m quite close left 3months ago and the other childhood friend whom I’m quite close to doesn’t give a damn about how I am doing.

My new friends? Well, they don’t have time for me. The one who usually accompanies me suddenly isn’t in the mood to go out and eat. Another seems to have forgotten all about us, being too busy with her boyfriend. The others have family members like sisters and cousins here with them so they already got their company.

And don’t get me started on my housemates. One is too busy with her boyfriend, another has a sister, while the other three (I call them Ms Sour Face and her two minions) are family so they are pretty much a clique, just the three of them and to be honest, I don’t really like them anyway so I’ll stay clear from them.

So this leaves me here, all alone. Is this what I get for not going with the flow and study in KL? Is this what I get for making a different choice and chose to study here instead of in KL?

Is this how it feels like to be all alone?

See You There

Hey guys, we're moving =]

The Secret Just Got Out

see ya there =]

We're Moving =]

Will I abandon this place? This place which is my so-called sanctuary, will I leave this and never come back? Who knows? Perhaps I will when I’m done and ready to move on.

Over the months, this place has been the place where I let almost everything out. Due to some issues, I cannot rant about everything that happened in my daily live here. I don’t want to offend anybody online.

So through this page I have learnt a lot of things during my time as a blogger here, mostly about how to edit the page and such.

I am very thankful for the support that my readers have given me through their comments, thought I really wish that they would comment more often and avoid silent reading. Reading comments always make my day especially the ones by my close friend. Through comments, I can learn what my mistakes are and what the readers think about the post. People do comment, but most of the time they leave me messages like ‘leaving my mark to prove that I was here’ and not really commenting on the post. I don’t really like that a lot.

Anyway, it seems that I have strayed from my original point of this post. I have said earlier that I will leave this place once I am done and ready to move on.

Well, I am just that. I am done with this place and am ready to move on to some place new. I won’t be deleting this if some of you are thinking because I want this to be my own museum. A place where I can come back once in a while and re-read all the silly posts I’ve made.

This won’t be the end of my blogging days though, I’m just moving on from here to another place, like moving from one house to another.

I’ll see you guys in my new ‘home’ from now on. And no, this is not an early April Fool joke.

Want the link? Haha guess it, here’s a hint : it’s a secret =]

Chinese 101

Never in a million years would I had imagine this to happen. A product of boredom and also 2 really crazy friends.

So what do you think? My Google Translate skills choon le...kekeke and of course, I can read the words ok...

Something

A little collection of thoughts.

***

A dream is a wish your heart makes

When you’re fast asleep

In dreams you will lose your heartaches

Whatever you wish for would be

True, most of the time, your dreams reflect the one thing which you desire most or the thing that has been swimming around in your mind that entire day. I’m not going to lie and say I haven’t dreamt about anything kpop before. Once, I dreamt that my cousin was suppose to come fetch me to somewhere (I don’t know where) and when her car came, Im YoonA was in it, driving the car and was my cousin. Crazy right? I can’t remember the rest of that dream though.

***

And how can the world want me to change

They’re the ones that stay the same

How can others expect me to change when they themselves aren’t? it isn’t fair for me to give up my personality or character and change while they stick to their old ones. There needs to be a balance, if I change, you change too. We’ll all change together and move forward in this world.

***

Someday

When we are wiser

When the world’s older

When we have learned

Really? No I mean really? People and civilization are growing smarter with the passing day but are they growing wiser? And so is the world growing older but something makes me feel that we will never learn. I have been wondering if that day will ever come. The day where all of us, the human race, are able to make mature and non-judgmental decisions, the day we are able to think without having other factors influencing us. Still, even with all of my doubts, I still believe such a day will arrive. It’ll take a while though.

***

And life is a road

And I wanna keep going

Love is a river I wanna keep flowing

Life is a road now and forever

Wonderful journey

No matter how much I wish to stop time and let myself be lost in that point of time, I cannot. I had imagined it myself so many times before where the Earth stops spinning, everything just stops at that point of day and we just get on with our happy selves until the end. I’ve always hoped for time to stop after it rains, right before the sun comes out; preferably in the early morning when the air is still cool and fresh, dew still clinging onto the tips of grass and leaves. How nice would that be?

***

No one saying do this

No one saying be there

No one saying stop that

No one saying see here

I’m sure you get the whole idea of that few lines. It would be nice to be boss of things for a change, right? I mean after being bossed around for so long, it would be really nice to be the boss for a change. This is why I have considered staying single (well, at least for as long as I can). Being single, you are the boss of yourself. No one to tie you down with commitment, no one to be a burden to you and you can do whatever you want. I can decorate the house anyway I want, eat whatever and whenever I want and basically do anything that my heart desires. I can even get a pet, a dog or a cat, or I might end up getting both! Haha now that’s something to look forward to! kekeke

***

Funny how a photograph can take you back in time,

To places and embraces that you thought you left behind

I couldn’t agree more. It is funny how just by looking at pictures; memories will come flooding back to you, both bitter and sweet ones. You remember everything in an instant, every single detail, every single emotion at that exact moment in time; right there, frozen in the form of a picture for us to relive over and over again within us.

When you’re the best of friends

Sharing all that you discover

When the moment has passed, will that friendship last?

Who can say? There’s a way!

Will we still be the best of friends, when one is half way across the country or even further, half way across the world? We will definitely get busy with our own work and our own lives. Who can confidently say that their friendship will last till world’s end? I don’t even know when will I see my bunch of good friends all in one place again. All of us, in one room; this seems like such a dream to me now. It feels almost impossible to get us all into one room at the same time. Each of us will have our own life to attend to. True we say that we will be friends forever, but who are we to promise each other forever. We will all grow up; outgrow many things, including childish promises. Still, I am willing to be childish and keep that promise until my very end.

There’s no one else in the world like you, my friend

You’re my joy and soul

I’ll continue to treasure the preciousness

I swear to the heavens forever

I love you my friend

You’re the gift in my life, my friend

You’re the jewel and my miracle

I’ll continue to appreciate you

I sweat to the heavens once again

I love you my friend

I really do love all of you, though I don’t say it out much. Sure we had our fair share of fights and disagreements but you’re the bunch of people that I will never let go off. Not in a bazillion years. I will hang on to all of you for as long as I can.

Will you do the same?

Till the next time all of us are able to meet.

I will be waiting here for you.

=]

***

Words in italics are taken from various songs:

(in written order)

· Your Heart Will Lead You Home (The Tigger Movie)

· A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes (Cinderella)

· I’m Still Here (Treasure Planet)

· Someday (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)

· At The Beginning (Anastasia)

· I Just Can’t Wait To Be King (Lion King)

· Best Of Friends (The Fox and the Hound)

· My Best Friend (Hoot, the 3rd Mini Album)

#100factsaboutme

So I went on Twitter today and saw this hashtag that was trending, #100factsaboutme and I was thinking, hey, why not try to write about it. It can help me kill time since I got nothing to do all day till 4pm when my class starts.

1. My birthday is on the 28^th of June

2. I share my birthday with a few stars like Kellie Pickler (a former American Idol contestant), Seo JooHyun (Youngest member of Girls’ Generation) and Jeanette Aw (the lead actress in The Little Nyonya)

3. I’m a blood type B+

4. Blood type B people are stereotyped to be “Goal oriented and strong minded, type B's will start a task and continue it until completed, and completed well. Type B's are the individualists of the blood group categories and find their own way in life.”

5. My willpower is non existence

6. So is my determination kekeke

7. I can memorise a song faster than my notes

8. I can play the guitar (noob) and alto sax (passable)

9. I’m particular about people saying please and thank you, may it be to me or to others.

10. Shopping is not really my thing

11. My friend told me I shop like a boy because I don’t window shop or look around before buying

12. I cannot stand it when other people criticize things that I like when I said nothing about theirs

13. I want to be 1 inch taller

14. My first pair of heels were 4inches

15. I buy books at random intervals

16. Am a very laidback person indeed

17. I loved anime

18. I memorized many anime songs but now I’ve forgotten them

19. I’m in to Kpop at the moment

20. Girls’ Generation is my current obsession

21. I have two phones

22. I learnt how to ride a 2wheel bike when I was 7

23. I’m a banana that knows how to speak Chinese

24. I studied Chinese until standard 4 level

25. I quit because it was oh-so boring

26. I can write a bit here and there

27. Google Translate is my best friend when it comes to interpreting what others wrote in Chinese especially my friends on FB

28. A friend told me my baby picture looks like an auntie (T^T)

29. Am quite a forgetful person

30. Not to mention clumsy at times

31. Considerably patient and tolerant

32. Don’t have the tendency to throw tantrum

33. Face changes very quickly depending on my mood

34. I like to wear clothing that are BBC: big, baggy and comfortable

35. If I like a piece of clothing, I’ll wear it often e.g. jacket, caps, hats, shirts etc

36. I like History as a big story, not as a subject

37. Same goes for Law, it’s a nice story, but not so as a subject

38. I think so far, the only guy that I have said is cute/handsome is ChoiKang ChangMin

39. I’m not the tidiest person on earth

40. Neither am I the messiest because I know there are others worst than me

41. Having said #40, I must confess that I am a messy person.

42. I’m the biggest procrastinator you’ll probably ever meet

43. My friend called me Miss Procrastinator

44. I love sticky notes, they’re all over my wall

45. I put on lotion before bed (Omo, NO WAY!) LOL

46. Birthdays and other important dates are highlighted in my calendar

47. All my textbooks look freaking new

48. Cause I seldom touch them hehe

49. My mom thinks in the future, my house will be filled with books (refer to #15)

50. I don’t like the beach though I grew up near one

51. I prefer highlands

52. My ideal holiday is one where I can go to a cool place and relax and sleep

53. The city is fun and all but I prefer the suburbs

54. I have a hat/cap collection, though it’s not expanding anymore

55. I like to play with cellophane tape and double sided tape

56. It took me only a week to get my license (intensive practice lessons)

57. Parents gave me a probation period of two weeks before letting me drive on my own

58. I don’t like to drive manual car especially on the slope

59. When I was little, I had boy cut hair and a little girl mistaken me for a boy and told me to go to the boys’ toilet next door (=.=)

60. Somebody mistaken me for a boy again in a chatbox and called me ‘oppa’ last year because my display name was Zhi

61. I cannot solve a physics question to save my life

62. Marketing was my worst nightmare during Foundation

63. It took me about 2hours to memorise all 36 nilais and kata kuncis for Moral exam

64. That was one of the worst two hours of my life

65. I have very bad stamina on land

66. I prefer fruits that don’t take a lot of effort to peel e.g. Mandarin oranges, apples, grapes

67. “If the world ends next year, I will spend all my money but still keep my Soshi stuff with me....hugging them till my very last breath” fanwonder@Twitter

68. I cannot remember the horror movies that I watched

69. Over the years, I’ve watched almost 100 anime series (almost…)

70. I’ve always been tanned, even as a kid I was already dark skinned

71. I want to have a pet when I grow up

72. Disney Classics are my absolute favourite

73. I don’t like Math

74. Same goes for Bio

75. I absolutely loathe one of my high school teachers

76. I had a diary back when I was 14

77. I’m an alto

78. I like to go sing K

79. My sing K kakis are Yi Lin and Jamie and occasionally Zhong Yee

80. My favourite colours are blue and green

81. Hot pink is a no no

82. Baby pink or lighter shades of pink are preferred

83. I cannot stand people who act cute when asking for favours

84. I think it makes them look intellectually low (i.e. dumb)

85. If possible, I want to go on a world tour (not concert la)

86. My theory is that kids are only cute when they still haven’t learned to speak. After that, they’re not cute anymore.

87. Don’t have a specific genre of songs that I like, anything with a catchy tune, awesome MV and meaningful lyrics will suffice e.g. TVXQ’s Before You Go and SNSD’s My Best Friend and Dear Mom

88. The first Korean song I heard was Nobody by Wonder Girls

89. But the first kpop song I loved was Balloons by Dong Bang Shin Ki

90. I wore braces from end of 2008 to the beginning of 2009

91. Of all the colours available for the elastic ligature for the braces, pink was one I never chose

92. I was afraid of the dentist but after the braces thingy, not scared anymore

93. In daily speech, I tend to mix in a bit of Korean and Japanese

94. Some find it annoying when I do that, but I don’t do it on purpose, it just comes out

95. I am contented with my current life

96. I will continue to expand my kpop collection

97. I’m a positive thinker, though can be pessimistic at times

98. I have a secret hideout where only one person knows about (shh…hehe)

99. I can cook

100. I am so happy I’m finally done with this list LOL

Yes! After 2days I’m finally done with this list. Kekeke

Hope you guys enjoyed reading this random and crap-tastic post. It’s 3pages and around 1300 words on MS Word.

***

i had tonnes of time so i sort of did this collage.

clockwise from top left: less than 3yrs old, 7yrs old, 14, 17, 18,19. i couldn't find any primary school pictures T^T and also i couldn't find a lot of pictures where it was just my face there so i had to take some with my friends in it. =]